The Archnox Irregular: 4 July 2021



On the morning of the general election of May 2021, the people of Archnox woke up and voted. None of them believed that the notorious Goose, that Gooseist lunatic, could ever become the farer. Little did they know what was to come. First, Goose won the seat of Essex. Many of those who voted for him admitted that they did it as a joke, as having him in the Witanmoot would be quite funny.

They went into the negotiation chambers to decide who would become Farer. While Goose ran on a dogmatic platform, his rhetoric behind closed doors proved to be one of accommodation. Alongside Carl, a former rival, Goose announced his candidacy for Farer and his support for Mercian autonomy. The first counts came in: Goose - 83. Skuzi - 20. Thij - 1. The election was shaping up to be competetive.

S_kuzi, however, denied that the election was becoming competetive and insisted that he would ultimately pervail. Gooseism, afterall, was still fundamentally unpopular. After getting off work, Redwolf169 backed him up on this, and he cast all 99 of his votes for Skuzi. The second counts came in: Skuzi - 119. Goose - 83. Thij - 1.

The election was in stalemate. Canine was now kingmaker. Canine, jokingly and autistically, also backed him for Farer, seeing him as the more autistic, more funny candidate. However, no one else would be laughing when the results would finally be announced: Goose - 121. Skuzi - 119. Goose was the new Farer of Archnox.

In the very first minutes of his reign he would pass two Farerbehests. The first made the Goose Army and Goose Militia into official governmental organizations with the power to do “as they pleased”. The second would declare the Thijists and Russoids enemies of the state and give the Goose Army and Goose Militia the power to act on them on behest of the Farer.

All hell broke loose. The Goose Army and Goose Militia marched on all the streets, seizing everyone named in the lists. The first to go was S_Kuzi, the would-be Farer, and Witan Eddie169, who would be replaced in his seat by Goose loyalist Expendable101. They, along with anyone else seized, would be stripped of all titles and exiled to the wasteland, never to return. After the first wave, Goose declared victory against an supposed "Thijist-Russoid coup attempt", but also declared that the two behests were still in effect to ensure the security of the server.

But Goose hadn't had enough. He proposed a Farerbehest calling for the gooseist minority to get 50% of all votes in general elections in some sort of corruption of affirmative action. It was instantly vetoed by Deemer Basileus, provoking Goose to go on an infamous rant in the halls of the Thijtag and one Goose Party member to throw a tangerine at the Deemer. Goose then sent a Farerettle to the Witanmoot, demanding they pass the deed. They all voted yes, too afraid of the consequences of defying the new Farer.

Goose then called a referendum for the abolition of the Deemership with all its powers being put in the Farer's hands. With the prescence of the Goose Army and Goose Militia on the streets of Archnox, the results were clear from the start. Goose won the referendum with ease. Goose passed and approved Farerbehest № 4, which called for the desolution of the witanmoot, thijtag and all other channels and groups with "subversive Thijist and Russoid influence” ;and on the same day, he published a list to his soldiers to exile a second wave of Thijist-Russoids to wasteland. As the exiles were carried out and the-thijtag was torched, the commander of the Cumcatz Division, TheMadGooseBoy02, marched up to the farer and killed him, ending the Goose's Farership like a true Thijist Praetorian. But with no leader, the Goose Army and Goose Militias began fighting among themselves. And as soon as they got bored, Archnox was no more.

President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan of Turkey announced last week that vaccination is now open for anyone 18 or above. Thanks to the generosity of Uğur Şahin, Turkish-German CEO of Biontech, Turkey has 40 million doses of Pfizer/Biontech vaccine available for her citizens. Combined with the stocks of SinoVac and Sputnik V vaccines, it is probably safe to say that Turkey has enough vaccines to vaccinate the entire population. But the wide variety of vaccine options raises a question: which one is best for me?

The most obvious option is the American Pfizer/Biontech vaccine. It has the highest performance results in tests and seems to provide some protection against newer variants. As mentioned earlier, Turkey has over 40 million doses of this vaccine, so its certainly wildly available. However, the recent reports of its side-effects make me shake with fear. I really just don't want to die of a premature blood clot while trying to save myself from a disease with a 3% mortality rate.

Then, there is SinoVac-- the vaccine made by the other superpower. Despite its questionable test results, it does not seem to have any major side effects and uses traditional vaccine methods, known to mankind ever since Louis Pasteur decided that rabies was a cool thing to play with. However, its major setback is the fact that the EU does not recognize its validity. Therefore, those who choose to get the SinoVac shots will have trouble visiting Europe if the “vaccine passports” they are talking about go into effect. But again, the current exchange rate does not allow me to visit Europe anyway (Thanks Erdoğan).

There is also Sputnik V, or as I call it, the forgotten vaccine. Surprisingly, I have not heard anyone talk about it lately. Anyone familiar with my opinions would know about my undying support for President Vladimir Putin, but even a fanatic like me cannot slobber on Putin's cock without decent citations.

Then, there is the super conspiracy theorist option of NOT getting vaccinated at all! For some reason, my mother doesn’t seem to listen to my speeches explaining how Bill Gates won’t put nanochips into our bodies. Even the word “vaccine” causes turmoil in the family, therefore I cannot even read articles about them. Boo hoo.

Whatever option you choose, stay safe!